Let me start by saying I am not a fan of driving while intoxicated.

In fact, I hate driving while I’m high for three reasons. One: Safety. Two: Responsibility. Three: I’m paranoid as hell. Not necessarily because of the law, but because I drive a used car. A used car that’s only kinda been well taken care of. It’s had problems, but she still kicks ass. Go American Cars! Anyway-

Every time I start it up while high, I’m convinced my car is making a new and troubling sound. Some new vibration, some new bubbling or hissing; just something that shouldn’t be there. I listen intently for a minute or two, and then I shut the car off. I then continue listening for a few minutes. Then, I remember what I was listening for and start the car again. This time I won’t hear anything, so I’ll put the car in gear and get rolling. Here’s my inner monologue when I’m high and driving:

‘Whoa, am I veering…? Probably…. need to get that alignment done, but am I rolling a flat? Shit, I hope I’m not rolling a flat… Hmm… Should I stop? I’m probably just stoned and imagining things… Damn, I’m sure I hear the tire flopping! I hope I didn’t bend the rim… I better stop…’ So, I do the inevitable and stop again. I proceed to get out, check all the tires to see that they’re properly inflated, and get back in. ‘Well, the tires are good.’ I start the car and hear the noise again.

Dude, when's it gonna turn green?




So, I don’t like driving anywhere stoned. It takes me about an hour to get out of my parking spot. It’s not that I’m lazy, but if I’ve got to go anywhere and I’m stoned call it a day. I might as well not take the two hours to get the car down the street, and risk getting busted.

Yeah, driving high sucks. You’re taking other people’s lives in your hands; hands which can barely open a Twinkie package while baked off the Kush.

Plus, have you ever waited for a Stop sign to turn green?

It takes For-Ever.

-Legalize It!-


Disclaimer: The Practical Toker advises against driving while impaired under any substance. The above post was for humor purposes and not to be taken seriously. Seriously, folks. I don’t need to get sued and you don’t need to, like, die.